Wait, this is not the end of my world!

Yes, that is true, 'this is not the end of my world'. This world is soooo amazingly broad and too difficult to be seen in just a glance. But our world, or better to say, my world, is just the smallest part of the entire universe.

Obviously.

Here, in my new experience as an 'international student', I had been so disappointed when I felt that I cannot be (at least) the same or good or more than that, the best among everyone else. It is maybe just a wish for me. This situation had dropped me down, particularly my self-esteem, as I sensed that my circumstances are not supporting me in some ways. But it is possibly just my thoughts, and it could be wrong because I have not made myself well understood with this new way of living.

One of the example is, I cannot feel convenient with my new class environments, when people were talking and they seem so sophisticated by their words. Moreover, it was being worse, when I totally had no idea with the subjects. It is looked so simple and might be a stupid thing. But that was... sooo miserable for me.

After a long desperation time, I had a new inspiration.

Today, I suddenly feel better, I believe, by passing this sort of situation, I will get more strengths to survive this world. Forget all ambitions to be the top ten, three, or the very highest top number one, but be ready to be the lowest among others. Feel great to be looked odd from the majority. Still, try as hard as I can to achieve the best of me. It might be not acceptable to different people with different ways of thinking, but going straightforward and making an effort with plenty of failures are not immoral acts. They are worth trying.

I realised that failures, shame, fear, worries, are always staying around me until I kick them away. I felt so bad when I realised that I am a loser. But I learned, again and again, those are the great lesson, not to be hidden, or to be walked away from, but to be going on with life as I try not to interpret those such weaknesses but as pathways to move forward myself from my 'comfort zone'.

Secondly, I realised that by being weak, failed or lose, it makes me trying harder, accept and be grateful of every single thing I have and respect others better. And instantly I remember that I am no one before I have granted the great strengths from Above.

Okay, now, the lesson I learned the most is, this is only the second or the third chapter of my life and I still have a looooonnnnggg way to go. That was a step, leading me to be a better person to live this good life.

I thank God, for many failures I have, as of the things, I am able to open my own self, my sights, my thoughts, and try everything again better.

Kacamata gitta is going to change her insights, by having a new pair of spectacles and thought that today is the perfect time to start moving on with better ways of life.

Lights

Everything has just been going all right and I learned that accepting every single happiness or sadness throughout my life is so beautiful.

They are all such priceless experiences, growing me up.

One thing I want to say is, keep going on in everything you have to face with.

Life is naturally light, not as hard as I think, thus I try not to think too much when I go through the good or bad. Keep it simple, not complicated though it is probably looked too complex when I see it through my eyes. But after I hear everything with my heart, and I see a thing with my brain, those complicated things seem okay.

Remember that I have colours within my life. I cannot colour it with yellow, green and red only, because by combining those with blue or grey and sometimes black, it makes my scenery of life more wonderful.

Broaden the way I think, and not afraid to fail.

Run my life lightly, enjoy every season and keep doing the colour experiment.

Never put any highest expectation, but do dreaming.

Laughing and crying out loud as if it is needed.

Love everything, everyone, every time.

Be grateful.

Kacamata gitta is trying to have a light life.

Yes, I have to say that He always be GREAT in every season

It might be sounded too religious or something you may name it, when you see anyone who always talks about God in every way they do. And extremely I did, and hope I will always do. Well, it does basically not for expressing that I am better than anyone else but it is as simple as I am trying to thank for what I have. I am not an angel or a saint wannabe, but I believe that my life is happened only by His grace, therefore, giving thanks to The Creator will definitely be the easiest response to all of His blessing. It is such a spiritual booster for me, by which upping myself when I am in the state of deeply depressing.

Here in Melbourne, I turn out that my life is totally changed. I have no idea about what the reason is. All I can sense are mostly worries, sadness, difficulties and bad feelings. Indeed, I have happiness and I enjoy living here, with the new environment, new friends, and so on, but my heart cannot hide some sorrow. I sometimes sick of them, I really really want to be able to get out of this situation but failed in many times. However, magically, God always keeps His promise of taking care of us. He never fails.

It is easier to be grateful when I am happy and I can do anything which I want to do, but it becomes this hard when I am in the middle of crisis. Blaming myself, others, situation and then losing my interest to talk to Him anymore, disappointed with myself, of my entire life, from the past until today, these have surrounded my life here. Tears were directly becoming my best friend. I have no passion to do anything, even to meet or chat with people. That was the hardships I should face. A problem with me, myself. I was looking for help from anywhere, from any new activities or new friends, but could not find one better than this. I just realised that I will not be able to pass the misery without asking our Great Saviour to provide the new strength. Even by just thinking of His goodness, we can reflect that this life is too beautiful to be thrown away.

He is so wonderful and will be that great in every time, every where. I know that He unfailingly loves us. When we pray to have a better life or just whispering our gratitude for the smallest thing happened in our life, right there, He hears us, He smiles and gives us a hug. But as a human, I sometimes fail to see and feel it.

I find my life is still such a mystery. There are many things happened, come and go away, and I cannot understand them well. By keeping my belief in His kindness and love, I can live my life until these days and try to understand every smile or cry. Tears and laugh are blessing and eventually we can stand and accept every single tough condition throughout our lives.

Believe me, God's love never hurts.

A true best friend He is, not only in need, but indeed!

Kacamata gitta believes that the truly gratitude is came when we can face the hardships by realising that God does not just stand beside us but He does walk us through our journeys.

Melihat dan Merasakan Hujan

Sore ini saya sedang melihat ke depan jendela kamar (pengen buka jendela tapi dingin), melihat titik-titik hujan, sepinya jalan dan beberapa orang lewat, ditemani lantunan musik. Kalau melihat apa yang terlihat sekarang, rasanya damai. Suara rintik hujan berirama membuat suasana hati tenang, karena hujannya kecil. Tapi coba kalau saya sedang berada di tengah jalan, mungkin saya mengeluh, "Duh, hujan berhenti dong!" Berhubung di situasi yang tepat, maka saya bisa bilang kalau hujan ini malah membuat hati damai bukannya kesal.

Berada di situasi yang tepat selalu bisa membuat kita merasa tenang, damai, tenteram, senang. Tapi apa kabar kalau kita dihadapkan pada situasi yang ga tepat? Pasti akhirnya sebal, kecewa, bete, marah, capek, sedih dsb yang aneh dan ga enak. Mungkin bisa dikatakan juga kalau sebenernya bukan situasinya yang tidak tepat, tapi apa yang dihadapi tidak sesuai dengan ekspektasi, jadi mengecewakan.

Begitulah kira-kira situasi yang saya rasakan beberapa waktu lalu. Situasi di mana apa yang dihadapi tidak sesuai harapan, semua jadi berasa salah. Tapi apakah kalau yang dirasakan itu tidak sesuai harapan berarti benar-benar tidak ada harapan sama sekali?

Tentunya tidak, karena tergantung dari mana kita melihat dan mengalami 'hujan' itu sendiri; dari 'jendela kamar' atau dari 'tengah jalan'.

Kacamata gitta mencoba melihat situasi dari dua sisi.

Clean Up Things

Have a trouble? Hassle in mind? Worries, inconvenient feeling, anything disturbs you. I would say that those feelings regularly come to me. It might be "PMS", yes it is. But to me, sometimes it happens not that normal, in other words; too much. :p

However, today's experience told me that cleaning up my room does make me happy, it lowered my worries or anything bothered my brain and heart.

After I wondered so long... Haha! *exaggerating* I found an inspiration. :p The idea is about doing clean up my things as well as clean up my brain and heart.

This is the secret:

1. Manage things on my desk, arrange the books, bottles, boxes, anything neatly, put those in the appropriate place and see... when everything is compacted, I can have more spaces to place another thing. In other words, more blank spaces we have, more freely we live. It could be the same as my brain, when I manage my 'things' on it, arrange it and importantly give more free spaces, I believe that I can see everything brighter.

2. Vacuum the dust and I can breath better. Right in here, I normally vacuum my room once a week. So, I have no idea why if it hasn't been vacuumed for more than a week, I sense like I step on a dusty sandy floor. Though I sometimes can stand for it if I'm too lazy to vacuum my room, but after all, I cannot go out of my bad bad mood. It does happen. :D *I'm a moody person probably* What I'm saying is, 'vacuum the things' out of my brain or heart it helps to breath better. Breath better as I can live better. Get up and have some fresh air.

3. Decorate my room and filling it in with some new adorable things. For some reasons, I don't have many interesting decorations in my room but I'd try with simple things. Simply, I love my 'undressed' Milo can for putting all my pens, pencil, scissors and many stuffs in. I love my coins bottle, my calendar and my 'words' board with the encouraging words inside and some messages from my lovely friends (plus the study timetable haha!). That such simple thing does decorate my room. It is similar to what happen in me, my brain, my soul, my life. When I decorate my day with new simple adorable things, it makes me love my life more and more.

It can be concluded that sometimes we do feel everything is wrong, still, it is just the feeling, not the reality, I have to say that 'cleaning it up' would be the best option to be chosen. Yes, it does, but it is not that simple. Thus, we can start solving it by cleaning up our room. :) Must try.

Kacamata gitta is happy after cleaned up her room.

Happy Three Months

Happy three months! :)

By today, I've officially lived this town for three months and I feel that Burwood's (the suburb of Melbourne where I live) breeze is truly enjoyable. I remember the first time I came here, it was March 4th, 2010, and at that time, I felt this place was very strange. I was not able to move my body and mind freely, although I still tried to enjoy every step that I should go through. Anyway, by passing these three wonderful months, now I've experienced a great time here. I can sense my big smiles came up and some delightful laugh stick around here.

Everything has been all right.

Three months, are not enough for me to see, feel, learn and try to love this new environs, not just about this new place, but the atmosphere, the culture, the language and the people as well. These three months are the new beginning of my upcoming life. Fortunately, after three months, now I can smile brightly and be optimistic to face the future by this sort of smile. :)

Like a girl who tries to approach a boy, this is how I've tried to move toward this new way of life. I'm still on my way to love every new thing and attempt to grow and learn by it.

I know that everything does not carry out as simple as we can say, still, I believe that when we start something with "enjoyable" sights, hopefully everything will be felt good though it seems worse than we thought before.

Many things are learned, some weird feelings were passed, now it's time for the sunshine to fully brighten up my onward days.

Go, see and learn.

Kacamata gitta is fully optimistic.

Smiling by everyone's smile

Oh! It is May already. Surprisingly, it is almost the end of May. I have passed 11 weeks and 5 days in this quite place. :) Time flies. Many things happened and the most interesting is meeting different people from different cultures.

Indeed, meeting many people, talk to them and share our different cultures is amazing. Though there was some people annoying, :p but I love watching them and learn something from it. Otherwise, all of them, as a new sight for me, I can say that they do colouring my days.

Let me introduce them. My housemates, they came from Thailand, USA, Vietnam, and Malaysia, and one Indonesian, my beloved sister. My first classmates are Vietnamesse, Thai, Colombian, Sri Lankan, Arabian and most of them are Chinese. Moreover, my second classmates are similar as the first but one Taiwanese. Oh, my teachers, they are Australian, Mauritian and Irish.

It is only a few weeks I have been here and met them but more or less I can start learning about the real cross culture. Hopefully. :p I start learning how to understand and tolerate to their customs and importantly building good communication among us, improving our English as well.

Everyday, I meet everyone, say Hi to them, give a smile, have some talks, get into laughter, though miscommunication happens sometimes but overall, it is enjoyable.

Hmm.. Seems like I have enjoyed every moment in here, doesn't it? Yes, exactly. Although this is my start to build something, and I am still trying to adjust to it, but everything should be all right. I believe that everything is good and created to be good as long as we see anything by its goodness.

Kacamata gitta feels their smiles are colouring her days.